Obsession.
It's time for me to admit it. I obsess over things. I learned years ago from Tumblr how to act normal about media, thank goodness, but when it comes to learning, I obsess. Every 4–6 months a new subject comes into my life, and I fall down another rabbit hole.
Last year, it was learning Japanese. I learned hiragana and katakana, worked in workbooks, and watched language videos as if I was moving to Akihabara next week. Earlier this year, it was digital planning with stickers, templates, color-coding my forty different routines I don't actually have. At one point, my entire personality was just "reading". And now I'm knee-deep in HTML and CSS code, because my brain says this is what we're doing now.
For a long time, I was embarrassed to be this way. I felt flaky, like I couldn't commit or follow through with anything long enough to be serious about it. Like I was failing at finding my One True Adult Hobby That Everyone Definitely Has.
Some people are long-term learners, sticking with one subject for years and become an expert in the field. They take their time, build their foundation, follow all the "rules". But that's just not me.
When I’m interested in something, I want to learn everything about it right now. I get excited. I get obsessed. I hyperfocus on this shiny new thing in my life. And eventually, I feel satisfied. I won't be an expert, I haven't mastered the subject, but ... I'm just done. Soon my brain will choose our next topic to dive head-first into.
I've stopped fighting it. Every obsession has left behind crucial parts of me. I can still read basic (very basic... baby books lol) Japanese. My planner phase taught me how to actually organize my life (and use Canva). I still love reading, and do it daily. And now I can make a pretty okay website from nearly-scratch.
None of that is a failure. None of it was wasted time. It was just learning, in the only way that felt natural to me. And that's okay.
Maybe adult learning doesn't have to be this linear, serious thing. It doesn't require a degree, or certificate, or five-year plan. Maybe it's more about curiosity than consistency. Maybe I don't know how to end a blog post.